RELEASE THE JUNK!

I’ve come to some conclusions, some based on how lethargic I’ve been over the past couple years while in crunch mode at work and others for deeply personal reasons I just don’t feel like going into. I’ve been drifting on the fringes of circles of friends, going through the motions of going to events and generally not really being satisfied with what I’m doing. It has nothing to do with the people and ultimately lies somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind. 

I realize this because of the kinds of frustrations that have started to bubble at the surface, like the wet side of a pancake on the griddle as it cooks…but now it’s at that stage where that side has dried out and become crusty and the griddle side is blackened and charred. That’s me, burnt out and in desperate need of changes of scenery. Moving was a start, changing jobs not much of an option right now since there are things I must see through but choices of activities, that’s what I can really do this year. 

What’s that really mean? I’ve pretty much cut off most of the usual things I used to do except for the events. This year, it’s time to put those away for a while. I’m heading on a real vacation and tried to line it up with a couple things that now, I just don’t really care about. I won’t be at IML this year and will most likely be looking to skip town when LPN, Folsom East, my birthday and Pride roll around. Come fall, I won’t be trying to angle my way out to San Francisco for Folsom and in October, the Mr. Eagle contest is definitely not happening for me. Then when winter hibernation rolls around again and those flurries of thoughts fill my head contemplating MAL again, maybe I’ll consider it or perhaps I’ll skip it to make it a perfect year of missing events.

All these things will be there still in a year. I’m sure I’ll cross paths with many people I know outside of these things. But this year, this is for me. This is for me to do the things I wouldn’t normally do because I’ve left myself caught up in some other event already going on that conflicts with it, or conflicts with the timing of paying for a trip or other nonsense like that. 

2012 isn’t _that_ long away, but it is a good enough amount of time away to break up the routine and do some different things.