Today was going to be the day that I finally start that great new exercise and nutrition plan. That plan that would give me the next 12 weeks to get in better shape and then evaluate the progress before heading out on vacation. A week at home to start getting in the routine before I head out on the road next week to LA for a couple weeks with a weekend in Seattle during that time. A couple weeks to get a jump start so I might shed a little size quickly at the beginning since that’s usually how it works before I hit the more steady changes in size.
And what happened? Excuses. The bench and stands to go with the dumbbells and mat still hasn’t arrived. Last night I couldn’t get to sleep until almost 7 in the morning and ended up being thrust out of bed around 12:30 when all the construction noises started upstairs again. There’s no milk to go with the breakfast cereal that I should have eaten hours ago. A couple other things I ordered last weekend still have not arrived. My tax forms from work still haven’t arrived so I can knock those out of the way before leaving since the feds owe me a good chunk of change this year. The cable box from the old place still needs to go back to the cable company in Manhattan. I have work that needs to be done since I’m a little behind from not being able to sleep on Thursday night and then sitting lethargically poking at code on Friday not being very productive.
It’s difficult to focus with so many distractions that I can easily cling to. The weather this winter has been a significant factor in why so many things are still not done. Today it’s finally a little better (no rain, no snow, little bit warmer and the ice is finally melting) but it would appear that we’re potentially in for more nasty treats this week.
All this has left Ryan spending the bulk of his time either sleeping during the day or camped out on the bench downstairs in the living room whiling away the hours on his computer. Neither of us seem to be in the mood to go anywhere and it takes an act of god to get him out of the house for even a few hours lately just to do some food shopping. I’m amazed he finally left the house a few days ago to make the few blocks walk to the post office to get his passport application in.
On the whole, I realize I’ve been feeling kinda crappy since about the end of September. There are things in my life right now that make me feel like I’m just going through the motions. Those things seem to be spilling out in all directions and affecting my mood all around. So many things feel like they just have impediments in front of them toward progress. The more I look at things now though, the more I realize that I keep placing myself under greater amounts of stress for things that aren’t going according to plan for circumstances that I can’t control. So I latch onto other things and just drain the life out of them.
Bottom line, I don’t think I’ve been much fun to be around the past few months and as stresses have built up over the past couple years I’ve been increasingly isolating myself socially to keep as much of it contained and not spilling out in all directions. I’m trying to identify what happened that made so many things I used to enjoy just stop being fun and I’m beginning to recognize that I’ve turned a couple things in my life into full time jobs while cutting off the outlets.
So the attitude adjustment begins. I’m going on VACATION at the end of April. It should not be a stressed out job trying to arrange it such that I can fit into old gear while I’m over there that’s just going to be heavy to carry over anyway. I am who I am and there are things I’d like to improve but they don’t need to be on an artificial deadline. It’s got to be about priorities, properly placed:
- Finish the new site launch so I can go on the vacation and really relax
- Spend quality time with the boyfriend so I don’t end up shutting him out
- Reconnect with my friends in activities that are social and fun, not a chore
- Keep a watchful eye on the budget but not a paranoid eye that drains all the life out of me
- Cheer up world, it may never happen
The bench and dumbbell stands will get here when they get here. If not by the time I leave for LA, all the hotels I’m staying in have fitness centers that I can use to fiddle with getting into a routine. There are 2 big cuts in what I currently eat that I can do already: sugary soft drinks and mass quantities of chocolate. If i’m still too tubby when I get across the pond for vacation, it’s not the end of the world, it just means I pack lighter and focus more on having fun and less on stressing about what I may not be able to get to because I don’t have proper attire for the event. It shouldn’t be work to go to a party, it should be fun. I just need to keep reminding myself of that and to do the little things that can get done now. Everything will eventually fall into place.