RELEASE THE JUNK!

i’d like to grab a drink with u two soon and if we click play, although i have to admit i would luv 1:1 with your boy if you would allow it and only if he’s neg.

In context, clicking through to the profile we have a goofy looking guy who is obsessed with making sure anyone he hooks up with is UNDER 35 or looks young and won’t hook up with people who are HIV+. He also mentions that he likes to “party” and has all sorts of specific restrictions on what he’s looking for. 

He’s hit enough dunce points that I must pick apart his message. If I were to even reply to it, it would probably go something like this:

1) Unless you’re short, purple and fuzzy with the stage name “Prince” abbreviating “you” to “u” looks really fucking stupid, especially if you’re going to spell it out later in the same sentence.

2) Seriously what is “click play” to you? I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of this fetish you seem to be talking about. Or did you mean that if we click, you’d like to play??? That’s really unclear.

3) What’s with the run on sentence? First you want to grab a drink with us so you can click play but mid-thought you want to do ratio math with my boy if he’s HIV-. Very confusing!

4) Luv??? Seriously, are we back to spelling things like Prince again? 

5) Regardless of anyone’s HIV status, there’s so much fucking stigma out there for people who are positive that I find it horribly offensive when someone won’t even do math with someone who is HIV+. 

I’m so offended by his grammar and seriously uncouth approach that I refuse to have a drink with him and his message goes straight to the round file unanswered.